Esme very kindly bought me this bag for my birthday and it got me thinking about all the things I have to pack with me when I go open water swimming and what helps me to go, because it’s not always easy to go!
If someone had told me over 10 years ago, I would put on a skin-tight black dress and walk around in it I would have laughed, and the thought would have horrified me. However, I now do this, it’s just the dress is…………………………………… a skin-tight wetsuit!!!
I regularly go to a busy lake and people go there for various reasons. There are those who are training for triathlons, iron man’s and cross channel swims, all the way to people who are going for fun, exercise, and health. There is a wide range of body sizes but without doubt most people who go there have smaller bodies. I have a body that I would consider curvy, I’m a UK 16-18 so when I go in put my skin-tight wetsuit, I have a voice in my head that worries.
That voice is sometimes very loud, and it worries about me going. It worries about what people are thinking of me. It says things like…..
“Are they looking at my lumps and bumps”
“I bet they are looking at me and think she’s fat”
It can get so bad at times that I even worry about whether they are judging how I walk!
Why do I put myself through it then?
I love swimming. I love being outside amongst nature. It’s my happy place, even in the middle of winter when its bitterly cold I have felt the euphoric rush of the endorphins when I get out! I’m a reasonable swimmer so it is an exercise that I can do. There is a social element to it too, my sister introduced me to open water swimming and this now gives me a chance to catch up with her every so often. I want to be a role model- I want to show my patients, my family, my friends and even you are reading this, that swimming (and exercise in general) can be done with a curvy body. As a physio I see the effects of losing strength and fitness has on people’s lives, especially as we get older, and going swimming/doing exercise is a way to maintain my independence as long as possible.
All these reasons are really important to me.
So, I have a choice– I can either go and gain these benefits and do the things that are important to me or don’t go, BUT like I said it’s not always that easy to actually go.
What helps me to go when that voice is so loud?
Simply put, I pack a Metaphorical swimming bag. Let me explain……
My swimming bag has all the normal things you need when you go swimming- you know what I mean- goggles, towel, change of clothes etc, but my metaphorical bag includes many other things.
Firstly acknowledgement. I acknowledge that this voice is just trying to look after me. It is trying to protect me from the thought that everyone is judging me. It knows that if I don’t go swimming that I won’t have to worry about what everyone is thinking and of course that feels a nice place to be, after all no one likes to feel they are being judged. I acknowledge that everyone judges everyone on some level- that’s how society has developed and how we get on with each other. Also, I acknowledge that I can’t do anything about it. I can’t control what people say, think or do.
It goes back to that choice again- if I want all those important things to happen, I might have to just take this voice with me AND go swimming. So, I thank my mind for trying to look after me.
Without doubt the biggest thing I pack in my metaphorical bag is a big dose of compassion. I have to remember that I have been bought up in a world where I have been told that smaller bodies are better. That smaller bodies are fitter and healthier- so no wonder I compare myself! I have to remind myself that perhaps there are so few other curvy bodies attending the lake because feel the same as me. I have also begun to see swimming as a time to be kind to myself-looking after my body is one of the most compassionate things I can do!
Next is gratitude and this is what really helps me to go. I am so grateful for how lucky I am to have a beautiful lake nearby and that I am able to afford to go to on such a regular basis. I am grateful that I get to see the beautiful nature around me, and I love it when the swans swim past me. I am so grateful I have a body that allows me to get in the water and swim whenever I want. I am so grateful that I have an opportunity to look after my body. I am so grateful that I have found an activity that I enjoy (well 99.9% of the time anyway).
Lastly its body respect. To keep my body as fit as I can and as healthy as I can is one way I can respect my body. By respecting my body it allows it to do all the other things it needs to do in my life. It doesn’t mean I have to love it- and to be honest I don’t- it just means that by respecting it I have a chance of living the life I want.
SO……. I invite you, next time you are struggling to go for a swim (or any other exercise) because your mind is trying to look after you and coming up with all the reasons not to go, to try and pack your own ‘Metaphorical kit bag‘ using the themes of body respect, kindness, compassion, and gratitude.
Thanks for reading
The Curvy Wellness Company 